It is often hard for the carer to know how to help or even how to recognise these feelings.
Signs to look for include:
- apathy or loss of interest in your surroundings (though this can be a natural reaction at any stage of your illness)
- loss of appetite (though this can also have physical causes)
- anger or irritability with loved ones
- unexpected or extended episodes of crying
- sleep problems (though there can be physical causes instead or as well)
Some patients might not admit to the carer or themselves that they are seriously ill. Denial is a common and often a necessary stage in the emotions experienced by someone who is seriously ill.
You may also have very changeable emotions, and may have equally changeable and negative reactions towards your carer or others who are trying to help.
Your carer may also find themselves feeling sad or depressed, or showing the same signs. If so, they should seek help or support for themselves just as they would for you, or you would for yourself. Your carer can also talk to the Marie Curie Nurse about their feelings and emotional needs. The Marie Curie Nurse is there for the carer as well as for you.
You may want to seek help from your GP, District Nurse or a support group, especially if such feelings persist or become worse for either you or your carer.
Your carer can also help you by talking to you and listening. You may find it useful to show the following points to your carer or discuss them together.
- It is important for your carer to listen carefully and respond to what you are saying.
- Your carer should be prepared to discuss your concerns if you wish.
- It is important for your carer to be honest with you.
- Your carer should try not to get upset or change the subject, whatever you say. If you think you are upsetting someone, you may not share fears and worries which could be reduced by talking about them.
- Your feelings may change from day to day, or even hour to hour.
- Your carer should be there to listen if that is what you want, but if you do not want to talk, that should be respected too. Sometimes you may just want to sit in silence with someone for company.
- Some patients may feel isolated or fear abandonment, especially if there is a period of respite care in a hospice. You may need reassurance that you won’t be left alone.
