What to expect at death

Preparing yourself

Dying is a natural process. This page will help explain some of the changes that are likely to happen.

Physical changes

It is not always easy to know exactly when someone is going to die because we are not all the same. What we do know is that when a person is approaching death there will be gradual changes in the way the body functions.

When a person dies they will stop breathing and their muscles will stop working. Their eyes may remain shut or open and the mouth might not close. The bladder and bowel will relax and blood will settle in the lowest parts of the body causing the skin in that area to change colour and become dark.

Saying goodbye

It is impossible to predict how you will react to the death of someone you have been caring for, even when it is expected. You may go into shock or cry. You may carry on as though nothing has happened – or try to do so. You may go through many different feelings and emotions after a person has died, even in the first few minutes and hours. There is no right or wrong way to feel and react.

If you are alone at this time, you may want to ask family and friends, or a religious or spiritual adviser, to come and support you.

Customs or preferences at time of death

If the person you have been caring for dies at home and a Marie Curie Nurse or other healthcare professional is present, they will check the care plan to see if there are any religious or other customs or preferences that need to be observed directly before or after death. Please tell them if there is anything they should or should not do. They will respect your wishes and those of the person who has died.

Last offices or laying out the body

Last offices and laying out the body mean different things to different people. Here we refer to care of the person after they have died which may include washing the person’s body, dressing them in clean clothes and arranging their hair or putting on their wig.

You can ask the Marie Curie Nurse or other healthcare professional to help you with this if you like or ask them to do it for you. You may wish to be present while they carry out this care or you may prefer not to be in the room. There is no right or wrong decision - do whatever you feel comfortable with.

If you are alone when the person dies, you may find it comforting to carry out such tasks. On the other hand, you might find it distressing, or prefer to leave it to others. Again, do whatever you feel comfortable with.

Some religions - or your own preferences - may mean that you do not want the Marie Curie Nurse to lay out the body. This should be in the care plan but do let the nurse know your wishes.

It is recommended that any equipment such as a syringe driver is usually left in place until an appropriate healthcare professional has properly recorded that death has taken place (this is known as formal verification of death).

Certain activities need to be carried out immediately after a person has died. Marie Curie has comprehensive advice on what needs to happen after death.