In the latest episode of On the Marie Curie Couch, radio presenter Amber Zoe talks with Jason Davidson about the death of her auntie, Alyson, and her family connection with the Marie Curie Hospice, Glasgow.
"The bereavement that had the biggest impact was my aunt"
None of the bereavements in my life have been easy. My most recent was my grandpa just last Christmas. That was difficult. But the one particular bereavement that took me by surprise and had the biggest impact on my life was my aunt. She passed away from breast cancer.
The first time I heard about her diagnosis I was in the car with my dad, her brother. He’s a very matter-of-fact kind of person. It was the same with my aunt. They just get through everything, very proud – there’s no right or wrong. He was very much like, 'Auntie Allison has been diagnosed with breast cancer, but she'll be fine.'
Watch: On the Marie Curie Couch with Amber Zoe (subtitled)Watch: On the Marie Curie Couch with Amber Zoe (subtitled)
She was being treated in a centre in Glasgow called The Beatson which is amazing – they work with Marie Curie. It was very much, 'You will get through this, and it will not have the same outcome as your mum’ – my gran – who died of breast cancer in 2008.
Tragically, in the end, I think it was her body trying to cope with the treatments. She was on her second last round and she passed away. That was really hard and very unexpected because we all had this like a mask, like a front up. To get that phone call, it really was earth shattering. She was 59.
“As a radio presenter playing that song, a wave of grief came over me”
As a radio presenter, there was a song on our playlist that was played at my auntie's funeral. It's from The Greatest Showman, called A Million Dreams, because she worked in childcare, and she was responsible for a lot of children living their dreams. I remember one time playing that song and this wave of grief came over me. I was sitting at that radio desk inconsolable.
I could either have gone on air and said, 'That song was played at my auntie's funeral, and I can't stop crying,’ or just get on with it and say, 'That's from The Greatest Showman, and now let's move on to the next thing.' I chose the latter because although I feel like we should normalise it, people listen to the radio to be happy and I didn't want to trigger anything for someone else.
But to normalise it, to have been able to go through to the office and say to somebody 'God, that's really got me and this is how I'm feeling,' I can almost guarantee someone else in that office will say, 'I've had a moment like that.'
“My gran loved a funeral”
It’s so bad – my gran loved a funeral. She loved going to a funeral, and she would come back and she'd phone my mum and say, 'Sandra's funeral was great. The sausage rolls were hot!' Anybody in the street that passed away or any notice that was in the newspaper, it was, 'Oh, we need to go.' It was an event. She loved a funeral, loved the wake, always rated it on the food. I think, as well, it was the social aspect, chatting about these people and their lives.
“If you need to go to a Marie Curie hospice, know it’s a really positive place”
I've got lots of connections to Marie Curie. My mum worked in the Marie Curie Hospice, Glasgow for almost fifteen years. My gran was there and I was going up to visit her. My gran was able to take part in things like yoga and Tai Chi and Reiki.
If you at any point find yourself needing to go to the hospice, whether it's as a visitor or a patient, know that it really is a hugely positive place. People don't just say that – it is positive. It's full of not just hope, but so many lovely little pieces of the puzzle that make up a hospice. There's coffee mornings, there’s the drinks trolley that goes around for patients, volunteer visitors and school groups coming in to sing at Christmas time.
‘Hospice’ I think is a word that sometimes people associate with negativity and doom and gloom – and it’s really not. My friend's mum, Grace, was in the hospice. Her house looked over the Campsie Hills in Glasgow, so they put her in a room that overlooked the hills. Just that little bit of home.
Listen now
This article is adapted from Amber’s conversation in our podcast, On the Marie Curie Couch. To listen to the full episode, tap the Acast player below, watch the subtitled version above or listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
If you need support with bereavement or grief, call the Marie Curie Support Line on 0800 090 2309 or visit mariecurie.org.uk/information
