Reality TV star and content creator Adrian Sanderson joins Jason Davidson On the Marie Curie Couch, talking about the death of Adrian’s grandparents, his experience of their wake and his fear of death.
“I have nice memories because the house was full”
My immediate response of what would my thoughts be on my grandparents’ passing, while I know that it was heartbreaking for all of my family, especially my mother, it was also a very nice time. I have very nice memories of it because the house is full for a week or two. It's full constantly. So while it's a very horrible thing, there's also a real light to the fact that you get to see people that maybe you haven't seen in a while.
So I do still see it as a positive thing. Obviously it's a bit of a tricky situation because someone has died, but if you're able to find something nice from that then that's great.
Watch: On the Marie Curie Couch with Adrian Sanderson (subtitled)Watch: On the Marie Curie Couch with Adrian Sanderson (subtitled)
“Very quickly it isn’t a dead body – it’s a person we loved”
With my family they do bring the bodies home, which I know is potentially controversial for some people to even consider. But it's always been something that I would expect from my family now because that's what I was taught when I was a kid. It still is something that I’d probably do. It would be a choice I would make, as well.
When I first went in, I was like, 'Oh, my gosh, it's a bit daunting, it is a dead body.’ But it very quickly isn't a dead body, it's our person who we loved. It’s because they're not just gone, I guess. You then have to enter into a different space of, well, they are here but it's not quite the same. You would talk to them and you can sit and have a conversation with them. So maybe you just get used to the fact that they don't talk back anymore.
“I’d love to offer some wisdom, but...’”
When I was a child, I was petrified of death. I had to go and have some therapy because I would just get so obsessed. All the time, the thought of my parents not being around me was awful. I still have that feeling now. And I don't have any wisdom there. Sorry. I'd love to offer some wisdom. I can probably spiel some up from somewhere, but it won't be true. When I think of it, I go, 'No, thank you.'
“I just realised…”
I'm 41 now, and my grandad died when I was a kid, but I just realised that at the weekend I put my grandad's ring on. I put it on two nights ago. I was going through my jewellery, showing a friend and before I told him what it was he was like, 'You should wear that. That's so you.' And it is very me. I just thought, gosh. That is odd that I've put this ring on this weekend.
Listen now
This article is adapted from Adrian’s conversation in our podcast, On the Marie Curie Couch. To listen to the full episode, tap the Acast player below, watch the subtitled version above or listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
If you need support with bereavement or grief, call the Marie Curie Support Line on 0800 090 2309 or visit mariecurie.org.uk/information
