“Marie Curie care let us treasure our time together”

We were married in a Scottish castle in 2022. We had the whole place for two days and it was brilliant. We were so happy.

I first met Stacey in a Glasgow pub on Halloween 2013. She was dressed as a witch, and I was a devil. I was visiting from the Netherlands and supposed to stay for three days. I ended up staying for ten. The next month Stacey came to see me, and then I came back to Glasgow over Christmas.

It was then she told me she’d just finished cancer treatment. She said she understood if I wanted to break up. But I was already in love with her – I told her I’d always be there for her. A year later she found a lump in her breast. The cancer was back.

We focussed on searching for treatment options, and Stacey had surgery and chemotherapy. She was getting good care, but sadly there was no cure. She was given a terminal diagnosis, and the cancer continued to spread.

We just tried to live our best lives. She wanted to keep doing things as normally as she could, not talk about her illness all the time.

She developed hacks to stay looking good, like always using lip balm and eye drops after chemotherapy as it dried her skin out. And she always did her make up. She’d worked in the beauty industry, and it was important to her, made her feel a little better.

I think she wanted to protect me from the reality too. She always thought about others, not herself. Stacey was a real Scottish woman, tough and caring at the same time.

The last six months were very difficult. By then Stacey was struggling to walk because of pain in her back, and her emotions were up and down.

Money was very tight too. Stacey had lost her job because she couldn’t work enough hours around her treatment, and I took unpaid leave to care for her. We were very worried about finances. At one stage she had to choose between paying for heating or a taxi to her chemo. She chose the chemo, and it was so cold that the glass of water on her nightstand froze.

We were living with her mum in a one-bedroom high-rise flat and it was cramped and unsuitable. Her dream was a simple flat with a little garden for us. She’d been trying to get a new home through a housing association for years.

Finally, in February 2023 it was arranged, and she was so happy. But she never got to move in. By then she couldn’t stand, and she was in a lot of pain. She spent two weeks in hospital and then they arranged a place at the Marie Curie Hospice, Glasgow. I went ahead and I’ll never forget the ambulance arriving with Stacey. The doors swung open and there was the love of my life, waving at me with a big smile.

For me and Stacey, it was very important that I could stay over at the hospice with her all the time, to be there for her. I’m so grateful for that. Stacey’s close friends and family could visit too whenever they wanted.

Having her own room, somewhere private to spend time with them, really helped. I even managed to get her into a wheelchair, so we could go out for a little bit. She really enjoyed the fresh air.

I tried to do most of the caring myself. If you love someone, you may feel it’s your responsibility, and Stacey liked me helping her. But being a carer can become very challenging, and it’s not always do-able at home. Marie Curie helped a lot. I couldn't do it by myself anymore. The hospice staff explained things to me so that I could help more.

It’s specialist end of life care. They could give Stacey the right medication to control her pain better than it had been in hospital. The doctors saw her very regularly and the Marie Curie Nurses are so skilled and caring. They’re there to help the patient and they’re there for the family too.

The nurses always wanted to know if we needed anything. They asked Stacey what she liked, and she told them she loved having a bath, so they gave her one, with champagne too. She had foot massages, and when they changed her bed they even sprayed it with her perfume. She loved all that.

Her health went downhill quite quickly. Our family and friends all noticed signs that the end was close. She was talking less, sleeping more, but I was in denial. I didn’t want to see how sick she was.

To the loved ones of someone who is terminally ill, I’d say: don’t let the end take over. It’s very hard, but the person is still there. I remember our last conversation. It was at night, and I opened my eyes to see Stacey looking at me. She told me she loved me and gave me a kiss. She had a clear moment, and I was so happy I was there for her. She died five weeks after we arrived.

I had wanted Stacey to die in her new home and to care for her myself, but it wasn't possible. The Marie Curie Hospice, Glasgow was the best option for Stacey. It meant we could treasure our time together.

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