Stacey's dad, Robert – known as Bob to his friends – had hospice care at home before going to Marie Curie Hospice, West Midlands. She explains how the much the care and support he received in his last days meant to their family
Dad had lung cancer. He was a heavy smoker, but the doctor said it wasn't smoking related. I think it was because he was exposed to things as a decorator.
He was one of the best decorators around. I've still got the very final piece of wallpapering that he did in my last house. When we moved out, I got my other half to cut part of the wall out so I could bring it with me.
Dad absolutely doted on his grandkids. I moved out when I was 16, and I had my son quite young. He used to come up at half-past five in the morning to be with my kids so that I could be at work for 6am. He was brilliant.
Marie Curie inspired my daughter to become a nurse
My dad had Marie Curie hospice care at home before he went into the hospice, in his last 12 weeks. I have my own mobility difficulties, so, caring for him and myself was really difficult.
When Dad moved to the hospice, the support was amazing. My daughter stayed there most weekends. She was studying for her mock exams at the time. She'd grab all her books and I'd take her up there on the Friday night.
The nurses set her bed up in the corner of the room, and she'd camp for the weekend. She's now works in a prison as a nurse, all because one of the Marie Curie Nurses who supported and inspired her.
I didn't want to be his carer, I wanted to be his daughter
Dad didn't like us doing things for him, which is one of the reasons why I needed the support of Marie Curie.
Turning him was one of the big things that Marie Curie did, because he wasn't able to do it himself. They made sure he had some support to get to the toilet and things like that.
The care he received meant more than just peace of mind that I didn't have to worry. It was about the fact that my daughter didn't have to worry as well, because she took on a significant load of the caring for him. Thanks to Marie Curie, she didn't have to help her grandad get changed when he'd spilt tea down him or clean him up after an accident. I just can't even begin to explain how much of a life saver having that support was for us all.
Dad loved the hospice, he'd have a good old chat with the ladies and one of the cleaners, a good old chinwag. They all used to keep his spirits up. Every now and again, they'd take him out into the garden in his bed.
With the help of the hospice team, we even managed to get him an offer of a bungalow to move into. We got the offer on the Thursday, but he died on the Saturday. Me and the hospice fought – and got – what he needed, regardless that he never ended up going there.
Sometimes I'll still just chat away to him
I wasn't there when he died. I'd still love to know what happened in his final evening, but I'm not sure how much of that I actually need to know.
Afterwards I had bereavement support at the hospice with Sue, a bereavement counsellor. I was there with her 12 months after. It made a huge difference, because it helps you understand the person that you've lost and your life as it is now. With Dad being poorly, there were certain things that I kind of just got up and got on with, whether I found it difficult or not.
I don't think I'd have spoken about my dad as much as I have if I hadn't had the bereavement counselling, because I did find it difficult to speak about him at first.
I knew I could go to Dad and tell him absolutely anything. So, who was I supposed to go to now? He was my go-to person. I've taken his ashes on a drive sometimes. I'm a bit weird, I'll strap him into the passenger seat and then we'll go on a drive and just blast the music. Every now and again I'll just chat away to him.
Fundraising is my way of remembering Dad
A couple of years after he'd gone, I built my company which is pretty much named after him. I wasn't the greatest of kids, I know that. It's just my way of saying: "You've given me the strength to be the person that I am." Now it's important to me to fundraise for Marie Curie.
Don't get me wrong, for the first two or three years after he died, I couldn't have given back to anybody. But to be able to do it now makes things worthwhile. What was the point in his life if I don't remember it? And how better to remember his life than thanking the people that helped look after him in his final days?
