“Marie Curie helped my dad maintain his dignity”

My dad was a very typical 73-year-old man; he was grouchy and he liked his own way. He noticed a lump on his neck in late 2022 and later found out it was cancer.

He'd gone through both surgery and radiotherapy to fight it, which seemed to work as he was given the all-clear in early 2024. However, at a routine check-up shortly after, we were informed that it had come back in his lungs and there was nothing more they could do but buy time.

My parents had been divorced for 20 years and I was living in Denmark, but we rallied round, changed all our plans, and temporarily moved in with him. It was mainly my mum, Fidelma’s, decision, but we both decided that whatever happened, we were going to be there to care for him, for as long as we could.

Looking after him was hard but honourable work we were glad to do. We barely left the house, only leaving to shop or to have an odd few hours to ourselves while the other was at home with Dad. But we were concerned about our ability to help him if he was in pain, as he began to need more medication more frequently, as well as anti-agitation medicine.

Eventually, we decided to ask about hospice care as Dad was adamant he didn't want to go into hospital. A hospice, we all agreed, was a good compromise and Dad moved into the Marie Curie Hospice, West Midlands, on 20 January 2025. That’s when our Marie Curie journey started.

It's incredibly fortunate that there was a Marie Curie Hospice a 20-minute drive away. If we hadn’t had hospice care, I think it would have been a case of my dad going into hospital, which he would not have liked – he had spent a lot of time in hospital over the previous two years and found it loud and invasive.

The hospice care gave him the fortitude to go on for those extra three weeks. Staying at home just wasn’t a possibility as me and Mum are ‘untrained civilians’; we just couldn’t have handled it.

I was blown away by what awaited me. I'd never been to a hospice before, and I didn't know what to expect. The nursing team were so attentive and loving – nothing was too big of an ask for them and they were always on hand. They saw him at his best and they saw him at his worst. They took no offence. It was part and parcel of the service.

We never had to wait long if we needed something. They were always there, even just for a hug, which I think is so important. Even the housekeeping and catering staff were fantastic, always cheerful and polite. The facilities weren't just amazing for Dad, but for myself and my Mum too.

My dad passed away on 6 February 2025 at 4:03am with my mum and me holding his hand. The staff were amazing and gave us as much time and space as we needed.

Because of what Marie Curie did for us, I left the hospice feeling happy. Although I was desperately sad at losing Dad, I knew he'd gone peacefully and painlessly, which is all I could have asked for. It was very important to all of us that he keep his dignity. Everyone deserves that dignity.

We decided as a family very early on to not get caught up in our grief. Especially while he was still alive, because our grief was going to have an impact on him. That seemed to have worked for us, and it seems to still be working. We were in the best possible situation – we had enough forewarning, and we were able to get everything that we wanted out of the situation.