How being at home helps Mam feel like herself again

Elaine’s mum, Yan Oi, has always had heart problems, and spent a lot of the last year in hospital. When the doctors could no longer help, she came home, just as she wanted. Surrounded by comforts, Yan Oi began to relax and feel more like herself. Eventually, the family needed support, and Marie Curie stepped in with hospice care at home. Here, Elaine share's her mum's story.

Family, food and faith are Mam’s passions

My mum, Yan Oi, lives with my dad, who has always been by her side. Mam loves cooking, and her faith means so much to her. She’s always been part of the church community.

Mam was born in Hong Kong and moved here at 15, and Dad came over at 19. Over the years, they’ve run different restaurants and takeaways together, first in Scotland, then later in Newcastle.

Sharing food has always been one of Mam’s joys. She’s loved giving food to her family, and to the Chinese church.

Mam’s long‑term health challenges

For as long as I can remember, Mam has had heart problems and other medical issues, including kidney and liver problems and COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease), a lung condition causing breathing problems.

Mam’s legs would always swell, sending her to A&E and then hospital for weeks at a time. But the swelling started coming back as soon as she left hospital, so there was a lot of back and forth.

And when it comes to health, Dad has sciatica too, which makes things tough for him as well.

The hospital environment took Mam’s energy away

From March to May 2025, Mam was in hospital with COPD attacks, where breathing becomes much harder. And at one point she was nearly gone. That’s when doctors told us this was the last stage. She could come home as there was nothing more they could do.

But she was still in and out of hospital with minor heart attacks and potassium issues, and the visits were distressing. Some hospitals couldn’t see her full medical history, so they’d they take her off all her medications and redo everything, and nothing was balanced.

Mam really struggled with the environment. One hospital only let her have two visitors, and she was alone in a basic room with no one to talk to. She couldn’t use her phone, and we think she went through some depression.

And throughout all this, the hospitals insisted on Mam having independent translators, even though we’d always translated honestly and faced those difficult conversations.

Staying at home, where Mam felt more at ease

When Mam was last discharged, the doctors told us just to speak to the palliative care team from now on, and not take her to hospital, or even A&E.

After so many hospital stays, what Mam wanted most was to be at home, surrounded by comforts. She could have as many visitors as she liked and feel more uplifted.

And that’s exactly what happened. Once Mam was back in her own surroundings, she became noticeably more relaxed.

Between Dad and my brother, they made it possible by giving Mam 24/7 care, even though Dad has his own health issues. With his sciatica and Mam needing to stay downstairs, the nights became difficult. And when my brother started a new job, they needed some help.

Hospice care at home supports our family

The hospital’s palliative care team suggested Marie Curie’s hospice care at home, and now their healthcare assistants visit twice a week. When they arrive at 10pm, Dad can finally rest, knowing Mam is comfortable until 7am.

Their support has lifted a huge weight. And Mam enjoys their company. She’s relaxed, chatty, and importantly, still at home, where she wanted to be.

It’s a relief to see Mam happier

These last few months, Mam’s wanted to cook again. Cooking gets her moving, and she’s got more energy. Today we’re helping her make traditional sticky rice – she just decided she wanted to make it. Dad does most of the cooking, but Mam loves making traditional dishes.

And Mam gets to join the church congregation online, which she loves.

Maybe later, Mam will need to go to a hospice, but for now we’re grateful she can have care at home.