In the latest episode of On the Marie Curie Couch, Will Eaves sits down with bereavement expert Jason Davidson.
Will is a writer and poet who's written five novels, two books of poetry, and one volume of literary essays. Will has appeared on BBC Radio 4's Start the Week and Open Book, and he is a Fellow of the Royal Society of Literature. In this episode, Will talks with Jason about the deaths of his friend, Eloise, and his mother, Cecily. Will also discusses the importance (or unimportance) of being with someone at the end of their life, what's helped him during grief, and the importance of making a will.
Content note: discussion of death and grief with reference to themes/topics that might be triggering or upsetting.
“You're watching a person find their way out of the room of life”
With Eloise, a little bit of me – or quite a large part of me – was relieved on her behalf because of course she was in great pain, though she was very comfortable, she was part of palliative care. Her pain would've been numbed. But it's still difficult because you're watching a person trying to find their way out of the room of life. And no one can do that for them. There is a silent, inexpressible struggle going on to loosen the ties of life so that the person can find some release.
“You can feel adrenalised and depressed by bereavement”
One of the things about bereavement is you can feel alternately very adrenalised by grief and also very depressed by it. The two things go together. There's the hit of the activity which means you're absolutely invested in the loss of the person, and then there's the collapse afterwards.
[During bereavement], music is a solace for a lot of people. And also doing something new, learning something new, or returning to an activity that you may have let go in early life. You can't circumvent the unexpectedness of life, and emotional unexpectedness. But you can sometimes find handholds that will point you in the right direction or maintain some kind of equilibrium.
Listen now
Tap the link near the top of this page to listen to Jason's chat with Will. Alternatively, listen to or download it via Apple Podcasts,Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. If you prefer, you can also watch a subtitled version on YouTube.
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If you need support with bereavement or grief, call the Marie Curie Support Line on 0800 090 2309 or visit mariecurie.org.uk/support
