“A lot of families don’t realise we’re here for them too”

We support families as well as patients and I really stand by that. I think that's why I always wanted to work for Marie Curie. A lot of families actually don't realise that we’re there for them too.

When Marie Curie goes in, sometimes they think: ‘Oh, is this the end?’ We explain that, no, we've had patients on our books for two and three years. So it doesn't necessarily mean that it’s the end because we're here.

I always say to them, ‘We're here as support for you as well. The nurses have referred you because they can see that you're exhausted. So having a few nights a week with Marie Curie means that you can relax and you can switch off. It doesn't mean that your mam or your sister has only got a few weeks left.’

Some families don't have the time to gather their thoughts because they're so busy dealing with nurses, with doctors, the patient. Sometimes they’ve got to turn into a doctor themselves! They turn into carers and nurses. They don't get to be a family member. They can’t just be a daughter or just be a wife. There’s a lot of patients and families that would really struggle without Marie Curie.

I don't think I've ever had anybody that's not thankful for the support. Patients are often grateful just to be able to open up to someone. We'll get a lot of patients that feel like they can speak to us rather than speaking to the family because they don't feel like they're a burden on us.

A lot of patients can open up and just say: ‘It's got me really depressed, lying here all day.’ They won't say that to their families – they'll just put on a brave face. With us they'll open up and some patients have a good cry. Some families have a good cry too and you've just got to comfort them.

I always make it about them. I never switch it to my life or experiences that I've been through, or even with different patients. And I think that's a nice thing because they want to open up. They don't want to hear somebody else's story; they want to tell you their story. Being scared to die, being scared to leave the family, if they're worried about what will happen to their children when they do die.

It can be very sad. But it's also very, very rewarding. Sometimes I go to patients and they give us a cuddle and they say: 'Oh, I'm grateful to see you!'. And we'll just sit and chat all night. And the families can go to bed. And if the patient might be awake, it's somebody to have a chat to.

Music is how I cope! I’m a big music person. I love rock, R&B, I even like music when I don’t know the language they’re singing in.

If I have a sad patient and I’ve got a bit close to them, when I leave I'll have a little thought to myself – I like to feel my emotions. Then I put a good song on, I drive home and I look at my son. And I just think how blessed I am. That's how I cope with it. You've got to learn to switch off.

I think it should be your right – if you want to be cared for at home, then you should be cared for at home. Some people are very much against care homes, and some people don't even want to go into a hospice. A lot of people want to die at home. It might be their family home that they've had for 60 years; they've brought the children up in it and they want to die there and then they feel like they can't because they've got no help at all.

Families are working. They might not be able to take any more time off to look after their loved one. They've got to pay the mortgage, bills. They see it every single day. So if we can even give the patient a bit of company and let the family go out and do the shopping and things, even just once a week, we know that makes a massive difference for everyone.