How ADHD can impact grief and bereavement

Through my work in Marie Curie's bereavement services, and personal conversations with people with ADHD, I’ve seen how the condition can affect how people experience and process grief.

As awareness and diagnoses of ADHD continue to grow, healthcare professionals are increasingly likely to support people whose experience of grief is shaped by neurodivergence. By understanding these experiences, we can provide more compassionate, person-centred support that responds to individuals’ needs.

Grief often involves taking in a lot of information while processing complex emotions. For some individuals with ADHD, this can be particularly challenging.

Many people with ADHD find it harder to absorb and retain large amounts of information at once, especially during times of emotional stress. Healthcare professionals can help by adapting how they communicate. This could include breaking key points into manageable pieces, checking understanding, and following up conversations in writing.

This isn't about simplifying information or being patronising. It’s about recognising that an ADHD brain can take one piece of information and speed off into numerous directions, making it harder to retain key information.

In conversations I’ve had with people with ADHD, I’ve also found a strong need for them to make sense of emotions. While this can be an important part of the grieving process, it can also lead to overthinking and exhaustion. Giving people the time and space to explore these thoughts and feelings can be helpful.

It’s also worth noting that some people may process their loss through more intense grieving behaviours. For example, many could relate to avoiding driving past the home of someone who has died. In my experience, this can become so significant that some people with ADHD may avoid leaving the house for weeks.

Rather than making assumptions about these behaviours, it can be helpful to explore what’s driving them and how they impact wellbeing, to identify appropriate support. And whether someone has a diagnosis or is looking into one, it's important to remain open, curious and empathetic.

Emotional regulation can already be difficult for some people with ADHD, and grief can intensify these difficulties. It's common for people who are grieving to be upset by certain words or a piece of music, but in my experience, some people with ADHD describe these responses as feeling much more intense or overwhelming. Some people experience emotional flooding, which can lead to an overwhelming fight or flight response and leave them feeling physically and emotionally exhausted.

People with ADHD can also be highly empathetic and emotionally intelligent. This means that they can be great at supporting others through grief, but this can be at a personal emotional cost.

Grief may also affect a person's ability to recognise and respond to their needs. Difficulties with interoception, such as recognising hunger, thirst or fatigue, can become more pronounced. In my experience, impulsivity, which can affect someone with ADHD, can also become heightened, leading to potentially risky or unhealthy behaviours.

Recognising these signs can help healthcare professionals identify when someone needs extra support.

For some individuals, if someone or something isn’t directly in front of them, it can fall out of immediate awareness until something brings it back into focus. In relation to grief, this can be painful and confusing. It doesn't mean the person cares any less, but it can delay or change their grief response.

One person with ADHD I spoke to had lost their father, who lived far away, several years earlier. It wasn't until a friend who lived close by later became ill, and they saw their friend’s deterioration, that much of their grief about their father surfaced.

As one person describes:

“The incredibly guilt seeking missile that is object invisibility or object permanence means we can even forget someone has died which is…awful…..I think about people that have been important to me who have died and I have to write it down because it doesn’t cross my mind in the same way…and I feel shame and guilt because of that.” The ADHD Adults Podcast (Episode 66: ADHD and Grief RIP Robert from Kidderminster)

Hyperfocus can also delay grief responses. Someone may pour their energy into a distraction rather than engaging with their grief. While this can sometimes be helpful, it's important to be aware that hyperfocus can lead to rumination and make emotional regulation more difficult.

Executive function challenges, including planning, organisation and decision-making, are common in ADHD and can worsen during grief, making tasks harder to start or complete. The administrative tasks that follow a death can therefore feel particularly overwhelming. Working with the individual to identify supportive strategies can help. This might include encouraging them to delegate tasks, conserve their energy and recognise that reduced capacity is understandable.

Body doubling, where another person's supportive presence helps with motivation and task completion, can be extremely effective for some individuals. A young adult who accessed our support shared that regular conversations with their volunteer helped them stay on track with tasks.

Ultimately, it's important to listen to what works for the individual, whether that's body doubling, setting reminders or recording audio notes. Respecting their strategies may help them ask for what they need.

During my research, people with ADHD frequently shared that they feel a lack of self-worth due to a constant sense of underachievement. Grief, with its own expectations and societal norms, can intensify these feelings.

Many people accessing our Bereavement Support Service worry that they aren’t grieving correctly. For those with ADHD, this can be especially strong and tied to long-standing fears of getting things wrong. Individuals may feel misunderstood, particularly if they use humour, detailed storytelling or high energy to cope with intense emotions. They also may feel that their grief doesn't fit societal expectations, increasing loneliness and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, an intense emotional response to perceived criticism or judgement.

For healthcare professionals, one of the most valuable things you can offer is reassurance. Hearing that there’s no right way to grieve, and that their experience is valid, can be deeply reassuring.




By recognising how ADHD can affect grief and bereavement, healthcare professionals can better tailor bereavement support to individual needs. There is no single ADHD grief experience, so taking the time to understand each person's needs can help ensure they receive the right support for them.

As bereavement expert and broadcaster Cariad Lloyd says:

“Each grief is personal, unique. We can all appreciate the terrible pain of grief, but we need to listen meticulously to truly understand what someone needs.”