David Lammy says death of uncle was ‘lowest moment’ of lockdown
Press release published
Shadow Secretary of State for Justice and Shadow Lord Chancellor MP David Lammy, has described how watching the funeral of his uncle on Zoom was ‘one of the lowest moments of this lockdown experience’ when he appeared on the latest episode of the podcast series ‘On the Marie Curie Couch’ which is released this week.
David’s uncle Claude died in New York and due to restrictions, this meant David was unable to attend the funeral. Speaking on the latest episode of the podcast series, from the end of life care charity Marie Curie, David also reveals how he thinks about his own mortality. He said: “I do think about it because both my parents were dead at 69 and I think, 'How much longer do I have?' I'm not convinced that I've got much longer than they had, to be honest. My wife can't stand me talking like this, but there have been these moments.”
David also opens up about his mother Rose’s cancer diagnosis. Rose died in 2008. He shares: “I remember the call. I was in the car on the way to deliver a speech, it was quite a big speech. I was Culture Minister at the time, under Tony Blair, and my sister was with my mother. They said that she had a lump the size of a melon in her stomach and it was ovarian cancer.
“I delivered the speech, but I was really thrown. I had to be a rock for my mum. She’d been a rock for me and I made the decision at that point that I would attend every single hospital appointment with her, every single chemo appointment, help her navigate the NHS. My mum was a single mum, so it was tough.”
“My mother said, ‘Look, you either die from the head down or the feet up and I’m dying from the feet up, which means that I’m still here, right to the end.’ It’s only when you’ve been with loved ones with Alzheimer’s or some cancers where you haven’t been able to connect with them in quite that way that you realise how special it is that they’re there with you right up until the last.”
Rose spent her final days in Marie Curie’s Hospice in Hampstead. One moment that stands out for David was on one last visit from family members. He said: “There was one point where it was only 24 hours before she died that a particular aunt came to visit. My mother was in a measured, Anglo-Catholic place, in terms of her faith, and this particular aunt that came was in an Evangelical, almost theatrical, place in terms of grief. She started to holler and scream and carry on when she saw my mother lying there in her bed.
“She was in a coma by this point and even then, because my aunt was being so theatrical in displaying her grief, my mother woke momentarily from her coma and said, 'Darling, please don't embarrass me. It's such a lovely hospice, please, please, lower your tone,' and slipped back into this coma and died 24 hours later.”
In the wide-ranging conversation with podcast host Jason Davidson, a bereavement specialist, David also brings up his relationship with his father who left the family when David was 12 years old and lived in the USA. “My dad died of lung cancer in 2003. I remember it vividly because we got this message from a family friend that he was in contact with in the States that he was dying. It was during the run up to the Iraq War, which was a very intense time and I had to make a decision about whether I would go to the States and be with him.
“I decided that I wasn't going to go back, I didn't feel that I wanted to open the Pandora's box that had been my father's life. He died a pauper and had always drunk and smoked heavily, but he died with very, very little. I did go back after he died and I went back a couple of times. That was very important to me to give him a headstone as he didn't have one. I forgave my dad and I wanted to be at peace with him. I do go back to the States from time to time, when I'm in that part of the States, to visit his grave and tend to it and talk to him.”
On how he’d like to be remembered David adds: “In public life, that is a matter for others, but I do work very hard. I hope that people feel that and I want to have played my part in improving racial justice and race relations in this country. To have played a role in the criminal justice system, which I talk a lot about, and to have been a role model and lifted hopes and spirits - that's how I'd like to be remembered.”
David Lammy’s ‘On the Marie Curie Couch’ episode will be available from 29 July to download from ACast, iTunes or wherever you listen to or download your podcasts, you can also listen at mariecurie.org.uk/talkabout/podcast
Marie Curie can help you and your family open up conversations around death and dying. Visit www.mariecurie.org.uk/talkabout to find ideas and tools to help you get started.
Notes to Editor:
Full transcript available upon request
For further information please contact:
Adam Orr
Marie Curie Media & PR Manager
07469993215
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